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Its rainy today and it's made me feel like I should be doing absolutely nothing.  Like I'm just waiting for something big to happen, like the snow coming.  Sometimes I feel like I have rainy days in my faith where I get tired of waiting and so I curl up and do nothing.  I don't talk to people and I don't even wear a smile on my face that says 'Hey, I'm a Christian!', I just sit and do nothing. 
Enter into the picture my desire to go to the missions field.  I really want to go NOW, in other words, I'm tired of waiting.  My rainy day has come and its come to stay and for a while I gave up and decided not to do anything.  But my plans are changing and I'm going to "worship in the waiting" and continue to give God glory even though its rainy and cold and I'm waiting for something big to happen.  I can be doing things now to further the kingdom and I may learn more than I'd ever dreamed and God will continue to bless me even while I wait on a rainy day.

Dear Gloomy Rainy Horribly Nasty Cold Arctic Windy Day,
Bring it on.
Love Jennifer

Where you are...

So at Praise and Worship we sang the lines "I wanna be with you where you are, I wanna be with you where you are Jesus."  And for a moment I felt really, Really, REALLY homesick!  I felt like I was in the farthest possible place from where my Savior was, physically.  I felt like I had told myself enough times that Christ was only at camp, or only at home that I truly believed that.  Then I looked around and realized something; Christ is always with me.  Always.  And no matter where I am he's going to be there, it all depends on whether I actually take the time to be with Him that really matters.  After realizing that, I didn't feel nearly so homesick! =) Because no matter where I go, I'm always home and I'll always have brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers, my family in Christ, all around the globe!

~Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.~ Romans 13:8

Spectator sports...

"Life's not a spectator sport"  Again Disney movies come to the rescue!  This time its from the Hunchback of Notre Dame and also from a speaker we had in chapel today.  He talked about how we can sit in dorms and kitchens and classrooms and have deep theological discussions but what good does it do if we don't ever take our own advice!  If we never put into practice the ideas and thoughts that rush around in our deep discussions what good are they doing?  Faith isn't about feeling safe, a lot of times its about that heart-thumping feeling right before you jump, before you take a chance.  We can't fix the world in a day and its not US thats fixing the world, its God working through us and our willing hearts, our desire to learn, and to be led by Christ.
Let's get in the game!!

~By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheiritance obeyed and went even though he did not know where he was going~ Hebrews 11:8

hakuna matata! ;)

This is my favorite philosophy of all time! It means no worries!!  For a long time I thought that this translated into "no responsiblities" but the more I think about it the more I get a different message.  This message is more like, "Have faith and you'll still have responsibility but Hakuna Matata!"  Christ has shouldered all of our burdens and worries so we can live fully by the motto Hakuna Matata! = )  Good-bye fancy clothes and diamond rings!!  So long super nice car! ~Therefore I tell you not to worry about what you will eat or drink or what you will wear.  Is not life more important that food and the body more important than clothes!~ Matthew 6:24-25  Hakuna Matata!  No worries!!

~And who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?~ Matthew 6:27

Doubt.

I've never really openly struggled with doubt.  At least not in a major way.  Sure I doubted, internally, that I could be good at what I do during the summer.  But God took care of that.  Then I doubted that I was good enough to be a part of the OID when that was what I really, Really, REALLY wanted to be a part of.  But God took care of that.  I also doubted whether anyone would ever love me, in a real way (besides my parents of course!).  But God took care of that.  I doubted that I could ever be a leader in any way, shape or form.  But God took care of that.  Then came Mexicali; this was a really big doubt!  How could I, this Midwestern girl, go to a city where I didn't speak the language and still be able to communicate what Christ had done for me?  Words were my biggest ally!  I didn't think there was anything else.  But God took care of that.  He didn't miraculously give me the gift of tongues but he gave me love; the same love that He lavished on me when He sent his Son, he put into my heart to love the kids in Mexico.
(Hmmm....strangely enough there seems to be a pattern here!)

So now I come to something that I have been thinking and praying about for quite a while; full-time missions work.  From Mexicali, I found that I definitely have a huge heart for all kids but especially for the kids in Mexico!!  So being the bright student that I am I decided to do a little research!  I was doing research for a project for a class and stumbled onto some pictures and stories from Mexico.  I'll look into these, I thought to myself.  BaD idea!!  Of course the only thing newsworthy coming from Mexico is the incessant drug wars and the only pictures they have are of the destruction a few people have caused.  The more I read and the more I looked at the pictures, the bigger and bigger my doubt became.  It came to a point that all I really thought I could do was go home and lock my door!! 

But then I started thinking about my doubt and then my desire to serve Christ; the desire began to outweigh the doubt more than I could possibly imagine!!! I could sit back and hear God telling me "I've got your back and I'll give you the words to speak and the actions.  All I want is your willing heart!  Are you willing to let me use you?"  "Yes Lord" I answered.  Although my heart was willing, my doubts were still shadows around my heart.

Later I was listening to the internet radio and someone came on and said "You are far safer out in the world, in places like East Asia, or War-torn Africa, or Latin America doing God's will, then you will ever be at home outside of God's will"  It spoke volumes to me!  Even if I went and did nothing more than make one child's day happier for an hour, I will have done it serving the Lord and I will be a light to his world.  Even if I never get to go outside of the U.S. and all I pursue is this ministry, Street Corner Dance Crew, I will serve the Lord.

So my doubts have fled and my heart is willing Lord!!  Send me where you will and I will serve you with all my Midwestern heart <3

~For if we live we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord.  So then, whether we live or die we are the Lord's~ Romans 14:8